“Can we please destroy the culture of cis hetero marriages where the guy acts like he’s getting dragged into it?”

I’m a cis husband in a hetero marriage and I approve this message:


can we please destroy the culture of cis hetero marriages where the guy acts like he’s getting dragged into it? it’s misogynistic as fuck, it’s rude and disrespectful to everyone involved, and it’s a huge middle finger to everyone else who would kill to get the privilege that you’re throwing around like it’s 25 to life

if you’re going to act like getting married is the end of your life then your wife deserves so much better than a shit-stained moist saltine cracker of a husband

This kind of rhetoric is still really popular with bachelor party groups tearing through the city on any given Saturday (the horror!) “Last night in freedom” and all that bullshit.

 I love being married and there are very real benefits – but not worth giving up your perceived freedom. If you really feel that way, don’t get married. If you don’t feel that way and think this bullshit is just funny, stop insulting your partner and your relationship, fuckwit.


These always confuse me like typically the man proposes, so if you don’t want to get married then why do you do it???

Yes, this. I’m a cis man married to a woman and I never understood this kind of “joke”. Same goes for calling the the bachelor party a “last night in freedom.” If you’re so terrified of marriage, don’t get married. The benefits aren’t *that* great.

“Deep Caves Paved with Kitchen Linoleum” Munro and a Room of One’s Own.

Last night I attended a talk at a local bookshop by Professor Reingard Nischik from Universität Konstanz about the work of Alice Munro. This quote, from Munro’s first novel (Prof. Nischik called the book a “short story cycle”) is the perfect sentence from and about Munro’s fascinating literary world. So mundane and simple, yet polished and perfect:

“People’s lives, in Jubilee as elsewhere, were dull, simple, amazing, and unfathomable – deep caves paved with kitchen linoleum.” (Alice Munro Lives of Girls and Women. (1971))

The shop was packed with interested listeners, a good sign that Munro, after the Man Booker award and now the Nobel prize, gets the attention she deserves in Germany.

What struck me about Munro’s biography is that she apparently never had the Woolfian “room of one’s own.” As housewife and mother, she only had a small desk in the dining room of her house in southwest Ontario; her second husband, a geographer, had a/the home office. Her need to carve out time and space from family life for her work is apparent from a saying Prof. Nischik quoted several times throughout the evening. All Munro wants “is to find time to work.” The arrangement seems to have worked for Munro, and many writers, particular women and others who aren’t middle/upper-class men, do not have a room of their own, and manage to create amazing work. Probably Ms. Munro, who has had considerable success in her country since the 70s, chose this arrangement. However, I personally think it’s problematic that the husband did not do more to give his obviously genius wife more time and space to write. It’s probably a generational thing – Alice Munro is the same age as my grandmothers. For many women of that generation, putting family first came quite naturally, and I admire both my grandmothers and Ms. Munro. I in no way want to look down upon women* who are “just” housewives and mothers. There’s nothing easy about that, and it often takes a lot of self-sacrifice. In addition, who knows how a different work environment would’ve changed her writing.

I just hope that if I were the husband, I’d do a large share of work with the house and kids so my literary wife doesn’t have to struggle to find time to write.

Algernon: Why is it that at a bachelor’s establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information.
Lane: I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand.
Algernon: Good Heavens! Is marriage so demoralizing as that?

Oscar Wilde. The Importance of Being Earnest. London: Smithers (1898)

As an aside, the witty dialogues of the play remind us that in “traditional marriages,” consent was mainly to be asked from the young woman’s guardian.

I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous (by Frank Turner)

I always wanted to write a version of this song for me and my friends. I wanted to write the song before the song would just be about how we’re content in our marriages. How we don’t really hate our jobs. How we love our newborn despite everything. Before our moment passed. Before I forget what that we is.