Asexuals are very vulnerable to a certain kind of rape culture — the type where in a romantic relationship you owe sex to your partner, because refusing to have sex is bad and wrong and abusive. And in asexual communities, there’s a lot of talk about compromise — essentially, having sex with your partner even though you yourself don’t have an intrinsic desire for it. As you can imagine, this can go to very bad places. This is another discussion a lot of sex-positive spaces don’t manage very well, because there’s often very little empathy for the asexual partner (or, in related discussions, the partner with less sexual desire) in that situation. In fact, they are frequently demonised when this comes up.
An Asexual Map for Sex Positive Feminism (via fivetail)
This.
I am almost certain that I would not have been sexually abused if I hadn’t been asexual. I wouldn’t have been blindsided by the reality of sexual desire like I was, because I would have experienced it myself. I wouldn’t have been told I was a bad person for not wanting it ever, because I would have been able to say I did want it someday. I wouldn’t have felt abandoned by the people who expected me to have sexual desires when I didn’t, because I would have had them.
The way that asexuality fits into rape culture is incredibly damaging, and no one wants to talk about it because it makes the sexuals angry. If we talk about our experiences, then we’re “belittling” theirs. If we use our words, saying that what happened to us was essentially rape despite being pushed into say ‘yes’, we’re unfair to our partners.
And I am sick of it.
I am sick of sitting here and knowing that people like me are being abused because it’s okay to abuse them, and being told not to talk about their experiences because they’re too freaky to matter.
I don’t fucking care if asexuality is an “invisible” oppression, the invisibility is exactly what hurts us.
(via scar-lip)
this.
Thoughts?