It’s the standard question that the waitress asks you here in Germany when you pay. And yet every time it feels strange to me. Theresa and I are sitting, holding hands, drinking our coffee together, taking turns with the fork so we can equally share our slice of cake. But she still asks us this question when we’re paying. Zusammen oder Getrennt? Together or separately? It feels like she’s calling the bluff of our relationship. “Is that together? Or are you greedy and divided beneath your ostensible love? Maybe you don’t want to waste money on each other. Is there something you’re afraid of?” She might as well just ask us “Generous or greedy?” It doesn’t seem to bother anybody here, though. Germans have a very different culture of spending. Fair enough. In Ireland we spend whatever we have. That’s what the Celtic Tiger was. We got some money, and then we spent it all. And now we’re broke. Ah, but sure it was worth it. Or was it?
I wonder whether the German habit of paying separately really is a sign of greed – or even a “calling the bluff”. Only recently, after our engagement, have my fiancée and I started to pay together (it even sounds clumsy in English) I never saw it a question of spending habits, rather as a question of individuality. Paying the bill separately was a clear sign that a meeting of individuals took place. Time was spent together, but ultimately we remain(ed) individuals. Only after we decided to take that step, to become a “official”, state-recognized “we” have we started to always pay as “we”.
In pubs, I am noticing a recent trend towards the habit of buying rounds. And I actually like that custom.
Not to look for the roots of every modern german habit in the war, but maybe Germans do like the symbolic individualty because of the war.
Thoughts?